


I've been everything I want to be

by emilia_kaisa



Series: blunt challenge [9]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Getting to Know Each Other, Humor, Not Beta Read, Strangers to Friends, but not much royal stuff happens, how is it not a tag smh, i honestly don't know how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:00:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29519835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: The night is warm and noisy, sound of car engines never really ending, a constant soundtrack to the city that never sleeps. It’s Friday and the air is charged, and even sitting in his safely hidden spot at the back of the restaurant, Yuzuru still can sense it, the buzz of excitement that seems to be putting the whole city into motion.
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Series: blunt challenge [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138568
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	I've been everything I want to be

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how this came to me but I kinda like it so I hope you'll enjoy it too!   
> Song: 'No tears'

The night is warm and noisy, sound of car engines never really ending, a constant soundtrack to the city that never sleeps. It’s Friday and the air is charged, and even sitting in his safely hidden spot at the back of the restaurant, Yuzuru still can sense it, the buzz of excitement that seems to be putting the whole city into motion. It’s not really his thing, though, that’s why he never minds taking the late shifts. The last two hours are usually calm and the atmosphere loosens up, sometimes allowing him to take an extra break and sit on the stairs leading to the backdoor, looking at the small and messy yard filled mostly with garbage containers, and he feels strangely at peace. 

Through the open door he can hear his coworkers chatting in the kitchen, clearly out of things to do. They have dealt with cleaning exceptionally quickly, but they can’t leave until the shift officially ends. Most of them seem a little annoyed with that, wanting to get out as fast as possible and get something from that nice summer night, but Yuzuru doesn’t mind. He rarely goes out, and he doesn’t feel pulled towards his apartment either, empty four walls that make him think way too much.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Yuzuru bites back a small smile threatening to show up on his lips as one of his colleagues sits down next to him on a narrow step. He smells like dish soap and salt, and his accent gives right away where he’s from, and even though Yuzuru likes all of his co-workers, Javi actually might be his favourite one.

Not that he’s ever going to tell him that.

“You want one?” Javi asks, catching Yuzuru’s attention by waving with a pack of cigarettes, and Yuzuru scrunches his nose with disapproval.

“I thought you were quitting.” he says with judgement and Javi rolls his eyes, smiling sheepishly.

“I am. Only one a day, and it’s well deserved, after the whole day of hard work.”

“Whatever makes you happy. But don’t count on me when you’ll need a lung transplant.”

“Always so cruel, oh mysterious one.”

Yuzuru chuckles, feeling a spark of fondness and good humor, and he looks at Javi properly, taking him all in, his stained apron, white t-shirt hugging his shoulders, a trace of sweat on his temple and hair curling above his ear.

“So, what’s today’s guess?” he asks and Javi hums, turning his head for a moment she he doesn’t blow cigarette smoke into Yuzuru’s face.

“Funaki?”

“Miss.” Yuzuru grins with triumph and Javi gasps dramatically.

“So what do I have to do to finally learn your last name?”

“Guess correctly, finally.” Yuzuru says, raising his eyebrows, and Javi groans, bumping his shoulder against Yuzuru’s.

“I’ve been trying for one hundred and sixty nine days. Don’t I deserve some prize for persistence?”

“You’re not the one to accept consolation prizes, Javi.” Yuzuru chuckles and Javi laughs, dropping the cigarette butt on the step below and then attacking it with his foot.

“Well, true.” he sighs, smiling at Yuzuru “You know me so well.”

They’re both bathed in the yellow light of a cheap lighbulb placed above the door, and the scenery is less than pretty, but it feels nice and safe, and everything Yuzuru has been looking for most of his life. 

“And one day I will get to know you so well too.” Javi smiles, his voice falling into that flirty tone that is making Yuzuru’s heart grow pleasantly, but he only rolls his eyes, shaking his head before standing up.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Javi.”

“I can’t walk you to the metro, can I?”

“Ask me tomorrow!” Yuzuru calls as he’s walking away, smiling before he gets the answer, same as always.

“You know I will!”

He waves at Audrey, their manager, and he clocks out before passing through the empty restaurant and walking out through the still unlocked front door. The night punches him in the face with noise and scent of traffic fumes mixing with a gentler aroma of lime trees. He takes a deep breath and joins the stream of people flowing the pavement, and his mouth twitches in a slightly amused grin. He knows there are eyes on him, like always, following his every move like a hawk.

His apartment isn’t far and Yuzuru walks inside twenty-five minutes after leaving the restaurant. He walks straight to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of water and he’s halfway through it when he hears five regular knocks to the door and he can’t tell that he hasn’t expected that. For a split second he considers being mean and not moving until he finishes his drink, but it’s not who he is, even though he had some low moments in the past.

“Hey, join me in the kitchen.” he says when he opens the door to see Dai’s usual stoic expression. Even after the whole long day, his suit and hair still look immaculate, something that Yuzuru envies sometimes, because he could really use a skill to look that good in every situation. And now the presence of the other man makes him really aware of his sweaty t-shirt sticking to his skin and hair in a desperate need of a shampoo. But he can’t have that luxury yet, so he walks back to the kitchen, Dai following him silently. 

“You want some water? Or I can make some tea if you’d like?” Yuzuru offers and Dai finally cracks a little smile.

“Water is fine, thank you.”

“Yeah, thought so. It’s been hot like hell today, haven’t you thought of changing the outfit?” Yuzuru asks, getting another glass from the cupboard and filling it with water.

“I’m quite comfortable with the dress code.” 

“Well the dress code will get you a sunstroke one day-” Yuzuru says, but then he sees Dai’s expression and he knows that joking and stalling are over “What’s that?” he asks with a sigh, leaning back against the counter and crossing his arms on his chest, fixing his eyes on Dai.

“Your father has made the decision, Yuzuru.” Dai says, his voice steady and serious “He will announce it on Wednesday, and your presence is needed.”

“Of course it is.” Yuzuru says flatly, proud of himself that his voice doesn’t waver even a bit, even though everything inside him tenses “It’s so needed he couldn’t even give me a call himself.” 

“Your father is a very busy man.” Dai says, but Yuzuru knows that little glint flashing in his eyes is the one of understanding “You both have your duties.”

“And now he’s dumping his on me.”

“That’s one way to call it.” Dai says, a corner of his mouth twitching as if he’s about to smile, and Yuzuru sighs deeply, feeling extremely tired and not ready to to think of all of that. He knew that day was going to come, and he thought of it countless times; so now he just feels strange, resigned and at peace, and yet already grieving a part of his life that’s soon going to be just a memory.

“Can I get a coule of days at least?” he asks and this time Dai actually smiles, fond and just a little bit teasing.

“It’s you who gives the orders, not me.” he says and then his expression turns more serious again “But it would be best to leave as soon as possible.”

“Monday.” Yuzuru says immediately “I have weekend shifts, I promised to cover for Marie.”

He half expects Dai to smile, but the man only nods, as he hasn’t expected anything else from him.

“Very well.” he says, standing up “I will make sure everything is ready. Goodnight, Yuzu.”

“Night, Dai.” Yuzuru says, and doesn’t move until he feels the front door closing. Only then he allows himself to breathe out, his shoulders dropping and insides twisting into knots as he thinks about what’s to come, and how yet again he has to say his goodbyes.

* * *

“Woah, easy with this knife, Freddy Kruger!” Juvi chuckles, gently wrapping his fingers around Yuzuru’s wrist and stopping him from moving “Your mind is a thousand miles away.”

“Yeah.” Yuzuru mumbles, because yes, that’s exactly where his thoughts are, already back in his homeland, even though there’s still a bit under twenty four hours left until his flight. 

He was sure he would manage to keep himself collected, but his usual focus doesn’t seem to be working, everything sleeping from his fingers, his reflexes slowed down, making him bump into people and generally standing in someone’s way all the time.

“What about I finish that for you, huh?” Javi offers gently, wrapping his palms around the pile of carrots on Yuzuru’s chopping board and moving it closer to him “So you can have some extra minutes of your favorite break.”

“That’s not… I can’t dump my work on you.” Yuzuru mutters and Javi flashes him that wide grin Yuzuru is so fond of.

“All I heard was  _ Thank you Javi, I can’t wait to meet you on our usual backyard date _ .”

Yuzuru laughs, feeling the jittery energy that has been coiling inside him for the last couple of days easing off a little.

“Thank you.” he says quietly, squeezing Javi’s shoulder before heading outside. 

The air has a fresh tinge after a short summer rain from an hour ago. The stairs are almost pefrectly dry so Yuzuru sits down on a warm comcrete, a tired sigh escaping his lips. There’s no need to be dramatic, really; it’s not like Yuzuru loves working in the kitchen that much. But he grew used to that place and people working here, especially people, and he knows he’s going to miss them, he’s going to miss the routine and inappropriate jokes flying in the air, and that low-profe life he appreciated so much.

He entered this place quietly, and he’s planning to leave it the same way.

Well, with one small exception.

“Ah, the magic of fresh air!” Javi exclaims as he arrives a few minutes later, dropping down next to Yuzuru and stretching his legs “What’s up?”

“All good.” Yuzuru sighs “Thank you once again.”

“Oh not a problem! All the chopping helps me release the negative energy-”

“There’s not even an ounce of negativity in your body.” Yuzuru argues “Also am I seeing correctly and you don’t try to poison yourself today?”

“Yesterday was the last one in the pack. Now it’s time for a totally new me.”

“That’s cool.” Yuzuru nods, and he drops his gaze down trying to figure out how to say what should be said, and he swallows hard, feeling something scratchy in his throat. 

“So, I think tonight I will hit a jackpot.” Javi says before Yuzuru can start his speech “Let me guess… Watabe?”

Yuzuru snorts despite his nervousness, and the following words leave his mouth smoothly, easily, before he has time to think of it.

“It’s Hanyu.”

His heart skips a beat as he raises his head to look at Javi, and he expects one of two things- either laughter or shock, because maybe Javi has heard the name before and will connect the facts. But when Yuzuru looks at him, he onlt sees a little frown, kind of suspicious and definitely concerned, and that throws Yuzuru off.

“I thought you’d be a bit more thrilled.” he says nervously and Javi titlts his head, these pretty brown eyes watching him closely.

“Why does it sound like a goodbye?” he asks and Yuzuru gasps, his throat clenching. 

“It is.” he manages to say, and Javi blinnks quickly, for a second looking almost upset, but then he sighs softly, turning to face Yuzuru properly.

“Why?”

“Could you just… that’s going to sound so weird, but can you just google me?”

“Huh?”

“Just, just put my name in the search.” Yuzuru insists, knowing from Javi’s weird glance that he must sound like an idiot. But the Spaniard reaches for his phone and Yuzuru looks down again, his heart fluttering anxiously as he waits for a minute or two until he hears Javi inhaling sharply.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Yuzuru mumbles, bracing himself for something like a billion questions or accusations for not telling the truth. But the reaction he gets is entirely different.

“So you’re having your Chasing LIberty moment going on?”

“What-?”

“Or rather, Roman Holiday, that’s more classy…”

“Javi, what the hell are you talking about?” Yuzuru asks, confused beyond belief, and he turns to Javi, who’s watching him with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be weird.” he chuckles, scratching the back of his head awkwardly “Just… yeah. Thank you for telling me. Nice to meet you, Yuzuru Hanyu. Or should I call you pr-”

“Just Yuzuru is fine!” Yuzuru exclaims rapidly, and then clears his throat “So, you’re not mad?”

“About what?”

“Not telling you?”

“Oh come on.” Javi sighs, shaking his head, smile turning fond “I can only imagine how it is to be in your shoes, I’m in no position to judge that.”

That’s nothing Yuzuru could ever expect, and Javi’s reaction is so refreshing and genuine he suddenly feels embarassingly close to tearing up, but he managed to stop the tears, years of practice coming in hand.

“Thanks.” is all he says, voice maybe just a little bit shaky, but he collects himself quickly “So, like I said. It is a goodbye. I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“And something tells me you’re not coming back.” Javi says gently and Yuzuru feels a little sharp pang somewhere next to his heart.

“Well, the Headquarters of the United Nations are here, so I might visit from time to time.” he says, trying for his voice to sound nice and easy, but in wavers a little just at the end of the sentence, and he feels himself blushing, a bit embarassed with his nerves and also just really tired.

“So-” Javi starts, and then shakes his head, as if telling himself no, and it catches Yuzuru’s attention.

“What’s that?”

“I don’t want you to think I’m pushy or anything, but I just thought that if you want to hang out or something… well, you probably have a lot of packing to do-”

“That’s handled.” Yuzuru says quixkly, without even thinking it throug “And I think I would really like to hang out with you.”

Javi’s smile widens, and Yuzuru thinks that even on the last day of his freedom, he still can live a little. 

Javi lives in a small apartment he’s sharing with two other guys, but neither of them is at home, and Javi expresses doubt that they’ll be coming back soon. Dai wasn’t too thrilled with Yuzuru texting him last minute about the change of the routine, but he didn’t make any fuss about it. And Yuzuru is really grateful, because he could enjoy a simple dinner in Javi’s kitchen, and a conversation that didn’t go anywhere near Yuzuru’s revelation, to his honest surprise.

Javi kept on asking the most random questions he hadn’t asked before, about Yuzuru’s favorite memory from vacation or if he’s afraid of animals. It’s easy and normal, like he doesn’t care about what Yuzuru told him, and that’s probably the case. It’s just nice, going in the same atmophere as their little chats in the past months. 

“Can I help you?” Yuzuru offfers when they finish eating and Javi collects all the dishes and puts them in a sink.

“It’ll be a second, that’s my job.” Javi says and Yuzuru snorts. 

He still follows Javi and after a moment hops on the counter next to him and Javi flashes him an amused grin before turning the water on.

“You can put the radio on.” he says and Yuzuru twists a little to see a radio standing on the window sill and he presses on, putting it to a reasonable volume.

“Thank you.” Yuzuru says, folding his hands on his lap, entwining his fingers “For the dinner, and for…”

“Hmm?”

“For being so nice.” 

“Wow, that’s a nice one.” Javi laughs, throwing him an amused glance “Thanks, Yuzuru.”

Yuzuru smiles, and looks down on his hands, basking in the feeling of familiarity that the whole situation brings him, unexpeced and yet so comforting.

A new song comes up in the radio and Yuzuru flinches when the lyrics seem to be pointing their little fingers at him like in mockery.

_ Don't I know it? _

_ Nobody has to say _

_ I've been lucky _

_ Guess I was born that way _

_ I thank my father _

_ His absence has made me strong _

_ And I love my mother _

_ But she had troubles with God _

“Hey, you alright?”

Yuzuru shakes his head rapidly, shaking his thoughts away.

“I’m fine.” he sighs, but Javi is still looking at him with that warm concern in his eyes, and it’s like a dam is cracking completely.

“My father is abdicating. He’s going to announce it this week.”

“Ow. Ah.” Javi mutters, clearly struggling to keep his cool “So that’s why you need to come back? Because-”

“Because I’m the heir.” Yuzuru sighs “If only my sister could be the one. She’s so much better fit than me.”

“Hey.” Javi says softly, reaching to catch Yuzuru’s hand with his wet one, squeezing his fingers carefully “You’re gonna be the best carrot-chopping ruler in history.”

“Thanks.” Yuzuru chuckles, his throat clogged with emotions “Hey Javi.”

“Yeah?” 

“If I was someone else, I would have told you my name on the third day.”

“If you were someone else, we wouldn’t have met.” Javi laughs, and Yuzuru doesn’t even want to imagine that scenario.

In a couple of hours he will go to an airport and board a governent plane that will take him back to his homeland, when a life he has been prepared for and he tried to avoid is awaiting him.

But for a few more minutes, he’s just going to sit here, to listen to music and his friend’s silver laughter. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
